Perfectionism parenting
Neurodivergent minds often grow up feeling different, difficult, or too much.
And by the time we become parents, we’re carrying a lifetime of internal messages about needing to “do it right” to be OK.
Perfectionism becomes a shield.
If we never mess up, no one can reject us. If we follow all the rules, we won’t ruin them.
So we try to control everything - routines, nutrition, screen time, emotions.
And in the process, we lose ourselves.
We’re not trying to be perfect because we think we’re better.
We’re trying to be perfect because we’re terrified to do it wrong.
These voice notes are for the parents who lie awake after snapping at their child, spiralling with shame.
Who obsessively research gentle parenting scripts.
Who wonder if one bad day will undo all the good.
If that’s you - welcome. You’re not alone in this impossible standard.
Voice Notes
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Feel free to ramble… we can edit the voice notes and send them back to you for sign off.
They can be anonymous if you feel more comfortable with that.
A good way to voice note is to use a voice memo app.
If you’re feeling uncomfortable, we advise that you just get started recording a memo. You can stop and re-record, but once you start, it becomes more comfortable!
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Journaling prompts
Where did I first learn that love or safety depended on doing things perfectly?
Think about the early moments where being “good” meant being safe or accepted. These stories often sit quietly behind perfectionism.
What am I most afraid will happen if I “get it wrong” as a parent?
Be honest with yourself here. What do you fear underneath the mistake - being judged, rejected, resented, or repeating something from your own childhood?
What’s one thing I’m doing really well — even if no one else sees it?
Look for the invisible labour, the quiet effort, the love-in-action. It counts, even when it’s not praised.
What would I say to a friend who was carrying this fear or pressure?
And could I say a version of that to myself?
Please share your Journaling insights!
Click below if you had a ‘moment’. We’d love to hear what resonated. This helps shape future voice notes and journals.